One Dry January in 2018
This post is a re-release of a blog I wrote when we launched Show Up and Stay two years ago. It feels relevant to share this with the Sober Positive Workplace community, as it highlights a painful truth that became clear to me one dry January in 2018.
Sobriety, in my case, came right after a self-imposed “Sober January” and the most recent of countless failed attempts to “moderate my drinking."
As is often true with the most insidious, we do not realize the power something has on us until we try to control it.
During my attempts to stop drinking, I experienced physical withdrawal symptoms ranging from shaking, nausea, panic attacks, headaches, short-term memory loss, depression, and insomnia. Instead of seeing this as a compelling reason to stop the cycle, I instead used it as a reason not to stop. Facing the issue meant stopping my life to reset it, and I had convinced myself that was not an option.
Link to more information about PAWS (Post Acute Withdrawal Symptoms)
It is worth highlighting that this experience was not scary because of what it meant—it was scary because of what my mind thought it meant.
Within this awakening, there was anything but clarity. All the frustration and pain that led me to accept this was constantly called into question by rotating waves of shame, fear, bargaining, and profound grief. Every concept and understanding I had of what that meant for me was too much for my mind to process. So, I did what we do when we are alone and faced with something incomprehensible: I googled it. Google did not help me heal, but community and word of mouth did.
There are four tenets in my journey that formed the project that is Show Up and Stay and Sober Positive Workplace:
Shame and stigma keep far too many people from finding rock bottom before they are willing to consider quitting.
Quitting does not have to be scary, shameful, or even lonely.
There is not enough said about the correlation between substance abuse and mental health.
All humans deserve to be seen in our shared spaces. Recovery is changing but is still driven by privilege. There is much work to do.
Showing up is incredibly hard.
Staying in the unfamiliar with your own emotions is harder.
One thing that I do know for sure:
If you want to, you can do it.
Link to full post on Show Up and Stay website
About the Author:
DeAnn Knighton
DeAnn is co-founder and President of Show Up and Stay and Sober Positive Workplace. She is also a human in recovery and is passionate about changing the conversations we are having about substance use in the workplace and beyond. She is currently attending the Hazelden Betty Ford Graduate School of Addiction Studies, where she will be pursuing a Masters in Addiction Counseling with a focus on Integrated Recovery, inclusive of treatment for occurring conditions.
