An Open Letter To My Colleagues

From the sober one at happy hour

Dear colleague,

I am a human in recovery. A few factors involving genetics, trauma, and undiagnosed depression and anxiety led me to a breaking point with alcohol. When I was on the other side, fighting my way toward sobriety, none of this was clear to me. All I could focus on was the stigma that would come with quitting. I could not imagine this shift in identity because, unfortunately, I had built my entire life around who I was as a drinking person. Over the years, I’ve built my career right alongside you. When I returned to work as a sober person things felt very different to me. I felt exposed and a little shaky. My brain was re-learning. Everything felt harder for a while.

Tonight, we had a happy hour and I wanted to thank you for the important part you played. I am not even sure you were conscious of what you were doing, but it had a tremendous impact on me.

Thank you for making my choice a “non-thing”.

When you didn’t question me on my choice not to drink, you handed me the beautiful gift of normalization. You also demonstrated to those around us that there was nothing weird or unusual about not drinking.

Thank you for not asking me why.

If we build the type of rapport where I feel comfortable talking about it with you, I will. But tonight, the fact that you did not make it the focus of the conversation I joined, was a big relief.

Thank you for not making me the scapegoat.

You chose a neutral venue with non-alcoholic choices. If you did make adjustments, it was not obvious. When I envisioned the possibility that I would be inconveniencing others’ experience by not drinking, it was like dropping a match on my gasoline puddle of shame. This fear was so intense for me that it contributed to my drinking far longer than I should have.

I am not judging others. I'm worried about what you will think of me. My decision not to drink is about me. I don’t want it to mean something to you, about you.

We’re not that different. Some predisposing factors applied to a very similar path led me to a different outcome. Thanks for seeing me.

Sincerely,

the sober one at happy hour